It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
