I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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