I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
