I CAN MOONWALK!
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You made out with two different species that night
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Randomize
