VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
this just has baby written all over it
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
