I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Hippo gnu deer
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
