Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
