dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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