fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Found the puke drawer
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
