i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
