I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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