You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
