I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
