I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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