She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
