you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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