We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
