A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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