No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
True college students do jello shots in the library
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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