it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
