Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
