Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(239): View more from Florida

Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...

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(517): View more from Michigan

this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year

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(518): View more from New York

she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.

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(419): View more from Ohio

two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome

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(937): View more from Ohio

I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.

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(516): View more from New York

Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar

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(845): View more from New York

You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.

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(410): View more from Maryland

I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill

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