I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
