meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
