I hope mine doesn't look like that
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
This house was built for laser tag.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
