do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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