Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
