Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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