i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
handjob tips. give me some.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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