so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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