so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
So much Jack, so little girl.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
