im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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