Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
