chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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