the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize