Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
