What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
