guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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