If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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