Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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