yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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