if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
