Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
