So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize