Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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