I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
