I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
