dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
