Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
