just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
