i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
