shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
