If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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