If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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