Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
