Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
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