i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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