I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
nutella sex= disaster
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
