some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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