I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
