Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
