i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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