You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
