forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize