Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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