Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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