Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
