I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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