So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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