Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm too high and old for this...
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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