I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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