Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize