if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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