If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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