How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
