christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
