i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
