this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
