new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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