Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
