Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
