these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize